The “Real Scientific Explanations for Stuff” Table

by S. John Ross

When somebody wants to know how a given technology works, just roll on this handy table for your Star Captain's snappy response.

Roll once on A, then use B to fill in any blanks. Best if shouted while smiling. Adjust from singular to plural as needed.

Table A

1. This miracle is achieved through Superior __________!
2. It's a simple matter of applying ____________ waves to the _________, chum!
3. A new kind of __________ !
4. I just rigged up a ___________ to the ___________ !
5. Dunno! The professor said it was something about __________. But it sure is swell!
6. It's Good Old American Know-How, Son!

Table B

1. Transistor(s).
2. Ray(s).
3. Photon(s).
4. Quantum Mechanical Duct-Work.
5. Obfuscatory Radiation.
6. Capacitor(s).